Teaching My Inner Critic About Self-Compassion
My inner critic helped motivate me to achieve my goals. But, giving it too much power was exhausting. Harnessing the deep power of my inner critic with a new spin of self-compassion and positive self-talk helped me to use this power for good.
The dark side of my inner critic
According to my inner critic, I constantly made mistakes, and I wasn’t living up to my fullest potential. I was my own worst enemy. I was beating myself up thanks to a pretty harsh inner critic.
It was a dark & vicious cycle, and I still to this day have to consciously choose not to listen too closely to every single thing my inner critic says.
In my mind, I’m a superwoman. I can do it all – for everyone else and for myself. I’ve always been able to do it all. People depend on me for things big and small, and I deliver stellar results. I love the feeling of overdelivering on something. I like figuring out complex problems and wowing people. And I hate making mistakes.
I found myself constantly chasing the high of wowing myself and those around me and loving the journey I was on. I was on an incredible path of growth as a person where I pushed myself to higher and higher standards. But I didn’t take that path alone…
My inner critic was with me every step of the way.
For a while, that voice was a great motivator and cheerleader. Someone in my corner pushing me to do better…and pointing out my mistakes.
Eventually, my inner critic got so loud and negative, that it was hard to ignore. I’d end up focusing so much on what I did wrong and what I could do to improve next time that it was hard to even celebrate my accomplishment at all. My inner critic was beating me down, even when those around me were celebrating my wins. I felt like I couldn’t celebrate with them because of all the mistakes my inner critic would dwell on.
Give your inner critic some healthy boundaries using self-compassion & positive self-talk
Would I treat my best friend, my sister, or my mom how I was treating myself? Absolutely not. I’d cheer them on. I’d encourage them not to pick things apart. I’d tell them to enjoy the moment and look at all they’ve been able to accomplish, despite the normal and sometimes draining life stuff that everyone inevitably deals with on a daily basis. I’d tell them they’re a superstar.
Turning this kind of positive self-talk around onto myself has been a really hard habit to implement, but it’s been something that’s been a big part of my journey on learning how to live with chronic fatigue. The truth is, I just don’t have as much energy as I used to, and coming to terms with that has been very challenging. I have to constantly remind myself to incorporate self-compassion into my daily routine. Being mean to yourself sucks all the joy out of life and is absolutely exhausting!
I don’t like to fully ignore my inner critic because I think my intrinsic motivation has helped me to achieve some pretty amazing things in my life. But I need to constantly remind myself to be kinder to myself. When I have a lot of negative self-talk, I feel like I’m not living in full alignment with what’s important to me and who I want to show up as in the world.
Being my own worst enemy is not a good look, and it certainly doesn’t fit into who I’m striving to be. I’m still the superwoman that I used to be. But I’m a superwoman with healthy boundaries and an empowering inner critic.
What are you going to do today to harness the superpower of your inner critic?